Romans 1:8-17

Rom 1:8 First, I (Paul) thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you (Roman Christians), because your (Roman Christians) faith is proclaimed in all the world.
Rom 1:9 For God is my witness, whom I (Paul) serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I (Paul) (make) mention you
Rom 1:10 always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God’s will I (Paul) may now at last succeed in coming to you (Roman Christians).
Rom 1:11 For I (Paul) long to see you(Roman Christians), that I (Paul) may impart to you (Roman Christians) some spiritual gift to strengthen you (Roman Christians)–
Rom 1:12 that is, that we (Paul + Roman Christians) may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours (Roman Christians) and mine (Paul’s).
Rom 1:13 I (Paul) want you (Roman Christians) to know, brothers, that I (Paul) have often intended to come to you (Roman Christians) (but thus far have been prevented), in order that I (Paul) may reap some harvest among you (Roman Christians) as well as among the rest of the Gentiles.
Rom 1:14 I (Paul) am under obligation both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to the wise and to the foolish.
Rom 1:15 So I (Paul) am eager to preach the gospel to you (Roman Churches) also who are in Rome.
Rom 1:16 For I (Paul) am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.
Rom 1:17 For in it (the Gospel) the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”

Observations:

Verbs:

thank – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
is proclaimed – tense: present, voice: passive, mood: indicative
is (v9) – tense: present, mood: indicative
serve – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
make mention – tense: present, voice: middle, mood: indicative
asking – tense: present, voice: middle or passive deponent, mood: participle
may now at last succeed – tense: future, voice: passive, mood: indicative
in coming – tense: second aorist, voice: active, mood: infinitive
long – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
see – tense: second aorist, voice: active, mood: infinitive
may impart – tense: second aorist, voice: active, mood: subjunctive
to strengthen – tense: aorist, voice: passive, mood: infinitive
is (v12) – tense: present, mood: indicative
may be mutually encouraged – tense: aorist, voice: passive, mood: infinitive
want – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
to know – tense: present, voice: active, mood: infinitive
have intended: tense: second aorist, voice: middle, mood: indicative
to come – tense: second aorist, voice: active, mood: infinitive
have been – tense: aorist, voice: passive, mood: indicative
may reap – tense: second aorist, voice: active, mood: subjunctive
am (v14) – tense: present, mood: indicative
to preach the Gospel – tense: aorist, voice: middle, mood: infinitive
ashamed – tense: present, voice: middle or passive deponent, mood: indicative
is (v16) – tense: present, mood: indicative
who believes – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
is revealed – tense: present, voice: passive, mood: indicative
is written – tense: perfect, voice: passive, mood: indicative

Key Word details:

v9: serve, G3000 ???????? latreuo?: Thayer: to 1. serve for hire 2. to serve or minister to, render religious homage

Is serve coming from the first or second definition? Probably the second. I was thinking purchased by the blood of Christ in the first sense. Either case, this is a present, active, indicative verb. Paul is actively serving God.

v9: spirit, G4151 ??????? pneuma : Thayer: 1. Holy Spirit 4) the disposition or influence which fills and governs the soul of any one 4a) the efficient source of any power, affection, emotion, desire, etc.

The translation here seems interesting to me. In the KJV, in my (en mou) seems to be present in front of spirit where I can understand it having “in my”. In the NASB, in my seems to be missing. The way I interpret this though in either case, and being consistent with other scripture that Paul has written, is that he would most certainly be attributing his ministry and the source of his ministry to the Holy Spirit. I would think Paul’s intention here would have been something closer to whom I serve through or by the Holy Spirit in the preaching of the gospel. I am surprised the NASB and ESV kept “in my” unless they actually are there in the Greek transcript they came from as well. It very certainly could be my ignorance of Greek also. Either way though, I believe Paul’s intended meaning points to the Holy Spirit and not something coming from his own strength or nature.

v9: gospel, G2098 ???????????? euaggelion Literally good news. Thayer:
2a) the glad tidings of the kingdom of God soon to be set up, and subsequently also of Jesus the Messiah, the founder of this kingdom. After the death of Christ, the term comprises also the preaching of (concerning) Jesus Christ as having suffered death on the cross to procure eternal salvation for the men in the kingdom of God, but as restored to life and exalted to the right hand of God in heaven, thence to return in majesty to consummate the kingdom of God
2b) the glad tidings of salvation through Christ
2c) the proclamation of the grace of God manifest and pledged in Christ
2d) the gospel
2e) as the messianic rank of Jesus was proved by his words, his deeds, and his death, the narrative of the sayings, deeds, and death of Jesus Christ came to be called the gospel or glad tidings

v9: witness, G3144 ??????? martus witness, in a legal sense, such as a witness in a trial.

v10: asking, G1189a ??????? deomai asking, making request. I didn’t think anything remarkable about the word, but, I do think it is remarkable that Paul was constantly praying for the Roman church, who he had not met yet, and constantly seeking to go to Rome, but only if it is within God’s will.

v10: will, G2307 ??????? thele?ma Thayer: of what God wishes to be done by us.

v11: gift, G5486 ???????? charisma Thayer: 1) a favour with which one receives without any merit of his own

v11: strengthen G4741 ???????? ste?rizo?: establish (NASB) Thayer: strengthen, make firm, make stable
v12: mutually encouraged G4837 ????????????? sumparakaleo? synonym: strengthen Believer’s should encourage each other. The Christian life is defined by our mutual dependence upon Christ, and Christ’s action in all of our lives should encourage and strengthen each other. How He has worked in others lives should encourage us about who our God is, and where we have placed our faith.

v13: intended, G4388 ??????????? protithemai Thayer’s: to set before one’s self, propose to one’s self

v13: prevented, G2967 ?????? ko?luo? Thayer’s: 1) to hinder, prevent forbid 2) to withhold a thing from anyone 3) to deny or refuse one a thing

Paul has been desiring to make it to Rome earnestly. So far, he has been prevented. Who has prevented him? We know in hindsight he does make it to Rome. But, at the time this letter was written, I believe there has been a lot God intended for Paul to accomplish in Asia and Greece. I think we need to remember, our plans aren’t always God’s plans.

v13: harvest (ESV) fruit(NASB), G2590 ??????? karpos Thayer: to gather fruit (i.e. a reaped harvest) into life eternal (as into a granary), is used in fig. discourse of those who by their labours have fitted souls to obtain eternal life

v14: Greeks G1672 ??????? Helle?n Thayer: Greek either by nationality, whether a native of the main land or of the Greek islands or colonies

v14: barbarians G915 ????????? barbaros Thayer: used by the Greeks of any foreigner ignorant of the Greek language, whether mental or moral, with the added notion after the Persian war, of rudeness and brutality. The word is used in the N.T. without the idea of reproachfulness.

I believe this contrast would be used to denote everybody. Reinforced also by the next contrast.

V14: wise G4680 ?????? sophos and foolish G453 ????????? anoe?tos

Another contrast that would show everybody is intended.

V15: preach the Gospel G2097 ???????????? euaggelizo? 1b) in the NT used especially of the glad tidings of the coming kingdom of God, and of the salvation to be obtained in it through Christ, and of what relates to this salvation (Thayers)

Paul has been desiring to get to Rome greatly. The great commission is Act 1:8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

Rome was the center of the known world and seen as key to reaching the ends of the earth.

V16: ashamed: G1870 ?????????????? epaischunomai tense: present, voice: middle or passive deponent, mood: indicative

v16: gospel: G2098 ???????????? euaggelion noun form (see G2097 in v15, see also G2098 in v9) (KJV adds of Christ – which is an unnecessary modifier to me since there is only one Gospel – but also because there is only one Gospel does not change meaning either)

v16: power: G1411 ???????? dunamis
Thayer Definition:
1) strength power, ability
1a) inherent power, power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature, or which a person or thing exerts and puts forth

Many times when you see this word, which is the root that dynamite comes from, people will equate this power to dynamite. Is that what Paul would have meant? Given that dynamite was unknown at the time the letter was written, definitely no. I think trying to use dynamite as an analogy can be helpful for a modern reader, but is woefully inadequate to what is being talked about here. We are being told of God’s power, of the power unleashed when Christ died on the cross for our sins, and of the power that raised Christ from the dead to eternal life in the resurrection, of the power that will raise believers to eternal life with Christ. All of the dynamite ever created pales compared to the power Paul is telling us about here. I really like the Thayer definition. Power residing in a thing by virtue of its nature. We know some about God’s power. As mentioned, this power was responsible for the resurrection, as well as this power was responsible for creation. That is power!

V16: salvation: G4991 ???????? so?te?ria
Thayer Definition:
1)deliverance, preservation, safety, salvation

If you don’t have a good definition of salvation, Paul will expound greatly on what this means throughout the letter. But – my very brief definition is that salvation is the power of God that saves us from the penalty declared in God’s law for our sin – death. By God coming to earth, as a man – with no sin, and taking upon Himself the death penalty for our sin, God’s wrath and law are satisfied. We are saved from the death penalty not by anything that we can do, but only by trusting that God has paid this penalty for us.

V16: believes who believes – tense: present, voice: active, mood: indicative
G4100 ???????? pisteuo?
verbal form, action verb. This verb is stressing the active confidence in something that you know to be true. The active decision to place your faith in something. The object here is looking back to the Gospel (see 1 Cor 15:3-5) as the object of what we should have active confidence in.

v16 Greek (see v14)

v17: righteousness: G1343 ??????????? dikaiosune?
1b) integrity, virtue, purity of life, rightness, correctness of thinking feeling, and acting (Thayer)

Since v17 righteousness is talking of God, it is speaking of His moral character, His correctness in judging all people. God was also creator and executor of the gospel, of coming and dying on the cross and becoming our righteousness as being consistent, pure, and correct with God’s character and law.

V17: revealed: G601 ???????????? apokalupto?
2)to make known, make manifest, disclose what before was unknown (Thayer)

v17: from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.” from G1537 is a preposition pointing to the origin of something. It is modifying the word faith. Faith’s object here is the Gospel, which reveals God’s righteousness. We are all sinners. We have no righteousness of our own. We are all separated from God because of our sin. Sin is morally repugnant and antithetical to God’s nature and cannot be tolerated by God. God hates sin. God’s law states that the just penalty for sin is death. There are 2 problems here that we cannot solve ourselves. We are sinners and are separated from God by our sin, and because of sin, and the fall, we are spiritually dead. No amount of good works on our part trying to justify or make up for our sin will do. The penalty for sin has to be paid. God did this for us. Jesus, who being fully God, and fully man, came to earth, lived a sinless life, and laid down His life on the cross to pay the penalty for our sin. This substitutionary sacrifice pays the death penalty for our sin. This solves our sin problem and is part of the good news of the Gospel. When faith is spoken of, believing that Jesus has paid the penalty for your sin is what we are called to do. If Jesus had only paid the penalty for our sin, we would be justified (have a legal standing of not guilty) before God, but still dead before God, and if that was the end of the Gospel Jesus also would still be in the grave. We would still be spiritually dead, and soon our frail, mortal bodies would also be dead. But, Jesus did not stay in the grave and solves the death problem for us also. Jesus rose and conquered death on the third day, as He told us, and was prophesied. Jesus conquered death, rose, and restored us and creation to the state God had intended before the fall. The God of the universe loved us so much that He took our death sentence for us, restoring us into eternal relationship with Him, and rose from the dead, conquering death. Through belief, we get life, we get the Holy Spirit restored to us. Jesus lives and reigns to this day. He has solved our sin problem at the cross, never to be seen again because the penalty for sin has already been paid. Jesus rose and restored eternal life to us, and this cannot be taken away by sin that has already been paid for. Just as death came through one man, Adam, life came through one man, Jesus. All we have to do is believe and accept this mercy, love, and grace God has freely given to us in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. So, this verifiable act in history should bring us to deeper faith “for faith”, seeing what God has done for us and placing our faith in this Gospel and this God.
I believe the for faith, or to faith part of this verse speaks of growth after placing our faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We are not completed works when we first believe. Our salvation is completed, and we are secure in God and our sin is placed behind God’s back never to be looked at again, but this is only the new birth. We will grow, and as we will grow we will see more and more of God’s character, of His love, and this will put us into an ever growing relationship and dependence on Him for everything. (Hebrews 5:12-13; Philippians 1:6) Salvation is a huge gift, but should just be the start of what God is accomplishing in us.
Finally – summing up “the righteous shall live by faith”. This is from Habakkuk 2:4. This is looking to our righteousness, not from anything that we have done but only by the righteousness that is imputed to us because of the cross, because of God’s righteousness in dying for us and paying our sin death penalty, taking all of our sin upon Himself. Only because of Jesus Christ, and our faith in the fact that Christ has born the penalty for our sin, and rose again to life, do we live. We are dead in our sin, but our life comes to us only because of Christ’s resurrection, and only because of the cross.

I am incredibly grateful to my brother. Even before he selflessly gave me a kidney, he has been one of my heroes. He has always been someone that is just bearing fruit to everyone he meets. I am really proud of the man God has made him.

The new normal of having a working kidney again was just bizarre after close to a year on dialysis. When I first started dialysis, I had tried to order lasagna from the hospital. But – I was told I couldn’t, because it had cheese and tomato sauce. The phosphorus and potassium contained in those foods was just something that dialysis could not effectively handle, so they were now almost completely eliminated from my diet. On my first day of solid food after the transplant, I was getting scolded for my dialysis diet tendencies and actually given a supplement so that I could get enough phosphorus. I was limited on the amount of fluid I could drink while on dialysis to roughly 1.5 liters per day, since I wasn’t producing enough urine to eliminate all the fluid that I took in and the dialysis machine was removing about 5 pounds of fluid per treatment. Now, it was the opposite. I was being encouraged to drink as much as I could. That is still a struggle for me even after a year with a functioning kidney again. You get used to just having a little fluid with meals, and it is an adjustment to drink more often. It seems like I am constantly trying to force myself to drink to get a normal amount of fluid for someone that has never been through dialysis. It is an amazing difference. Probably the largest difference is the amount of time and freedom you get back. Dialysis kept you going to the center 3 times a week, for about 4 hours at a time. Without that commitment, it is amazing the freedom that gives you back as far as being able to take a trip or the like. That seems like a huge time commitment, but I am amazed now that it doesn’t seem like I have that extra time in my day. I know I haven’t been able to read nearly as much and I now have a backlog of books I want to read. That was one thing the dialysis chair really helped with, was providing a distraction free time (for the most part) for reading.

The contrasts above are pretty amazing to me. It is such a blessing to be the recipient of the gift Randy gave to me. God has been so faithful to both of us as we have recovered. Randy has run a few triathlons this year, and continues to pursue his PHD. I have had just another amazing blessing of becoming a father to Faith Randall Carlson (that might be part of the reason I don’t get as much reading in nowadays). It is amazing to me as I watch her grow and develop. She is just a remarkable and wonderful creation and more wonderful than is even possible in my limited imagination. I am so proud of her and just can’t wait for each and every milestone, even as I am warned that my life will drastically change when she becomes mobile by crawling and walking. I still can’t wait.

I am still just amazed at every lab test I get back and my creatinine level is 1.2 or less. That is something that hasn’t happened since probably before I was in high school. I just thank God continuously and am amazed at how he has carried me through both sickness and health.

When I think about this amazing gift from my brother, a kidney is not what I am referring to in the title of this post as the greatest gift. The greatest gift that has or ever will be is something we make a point to celebrate this time of year. God himself loves us so much that He took on flesh and died for us on a cross. Christmas points us to the incarnation – to Jesus coming to earth as a man. To me, it is not important if most scholars believe that Jesus’ birth was actually some time in the spring, I really enjoy advent and looking to Christmas and celebrating the fact that Jesus did come, and He came to die for us for the forgiveness of our sins, to pay the death penalty that we justly deserve and God declared as the penalty for sin. But even this amazing substitutionary sacrifice isn’t the end – Jesus conquered death and rose again to eternal life, and by faith in Him, we can share in this life and spend eternity with God. I am just awe struck by this gift and it is something no one ever could deserve. This love from God, this Gospel, this amazing grace, is the greatest gift that can ever be given. The sacrifice my brother made for me in giving up a kidney I am incredibly grateful for, but when I think of Randy’s gift of the kidney, Randy’s heart, and the risk and love he showed to me, it serves to point me to and make me think of Jesus, and the greatest gift that could ever be given that my Savior gave in His life, death, and resurrection. Have you accepted this gift?

The other thing I want to do is be very up front about the tools and resources I am using. As much as possible, this is an attempt to be my own work and not relying upon someone else. When I do use a significant portion of someone else’s work, I will try to cite that resource. But – I do want to give credit and be up front about what I am using personally to help study the Bible and produce these posts:

1. e-sword. Great, free, bible study tool. I am using e-sword, with the ESV, NASB, NET, and Good News bibles. All but the NASB are available for free. The NASB is the source that has Strong’s numbers for digging deeper into the original languages. For the purpose of word studies, I am using the NASB Exhaustive Concordance, and Strong’s and Thayer’s dictionary modules for e-sword. I also have and use the Vincent’s Word Studies module, Geneva Bible translation notes, and Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentaries modules. blueletterbible.org is a great resource for word studies as well.

2. For historical background help, I am using “The IVP Bible Background Commentary” by Craig S Keener, as well as the ESV Study Bible introductions.

3. I have to credit the textbook we are using in the class – “Grasping God’s Word”, by Duvall and Hayes. This is just an absolutely wonderful book for teaching you how to study the Bible.

So – here is my first one.

Romans 1:1-7

Rom 1:1 Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God,

Rom 1:2 which he (God) promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures,

Rom 1:3 concerning his (God’s) Son, who (Jesus) was descended from David according to the flesh

Rom 1:4 and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his (Jesus’) resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord,

Rom 1:5 through whom we (Paul and companions?) have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his (Jesus’) name among all the nations,

Rom 1:6 including you (readers of the letter?) who are called to belong to Jesus Christ,

Rom 1:7 To all those in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints: Grace to you (saints in Rome) and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Observations: verbs: present perfect: was descended, was declared

verbs: aorist: set apart, have received, are called

verbs: past: promised beforehand

Key Word Details:

v1:

G2822 called (kletos) – I thought this was a verb, but it is actually an adjective in the Greek – called Apostle – modifying apostle. Paul is a called apostle by God. It is not by his own authority he is teaching but a calling from God, implied by both called and apostle (one sent). Both point to God as the source.

v3:

G 1096 was descended (ginomai) – literally came into being from David (as a descendant of David)

v4:

G3724 was declared (horizo?) to mark out, to appoint, to declare (very similar to set apart G873 in v1)

G1411 power (dunamis) – power inherent to something from its nature

v5:

G1223 through (dia) – a primary preposition denoting the channel of an act

G1519 to bring about (eis) – a primary preposition – for or unto would be a more literal translation

v6:

G2822 called (kletos) – invited would be a synonym – does this imply only believers then like I would have first read it? Probably not – all who are in the church, all who have heard the Gospel? Or is it stronger and meant to denote only believers?

v7:

G27 loved by (agapetos) – agape love, love from God – not philos type

G2822 called (kletos) – same as v7. Same question – does this imply only believers or all who have heard the Gospel? I believe in both cases the modifiers – belong to Christ and called to be saints implies believers or will be believers – those who will respond by believing the Gospel

Observations:

Romans Background: Author Paul, Audience: Believers / church in Rome. The church in Rome was most likely founded by people who were present at Pentecost. The Roman church would have been a mix between Jewish background believers and gentile background believers. The letter would have been written around A.D. 57. Persecution under Nero is still about 7 years away, but Claudius had expelled the Jewish community from Rome and the letter would have been written right after their return. So the church appeared to be in some conflict regarding backgrounds.

Repetition: All three members of the trinity are mentioned, and Jesus as Son is mentioned repeatedly. Also, God the father is listed multiple times. Also, called (kletos) is repeated 3 times. The first talking about Paul’s office, the 2nd talking about all nations, implying all who God calls through the Gospel? Did Paul know / envision a larger scope for this letter than just the Roman church? And the 3rd is talking about those called in the Roman church(es).

v1: Paul is a called apostle. All he does, comes from God, from his obedience as a bondservant to his master, Jesus Christ. This is a fairly typical greeting in a Pauline letter, stating the author and his credentials. Paul’s credentials rely on nothing he has done, but solely on his obedience to the One who sent him.

v2: The gospel was foreshadowed in the law, and foretold by the prophets in the form of the messiah. The messiah wouldn’t have been a new concept and least for the Jewish background believers in Rome.

v3: Paul is reinforcing both the lineage of Jesus, as foretold in the prophets, as well as the physical incarnation. The word indeed had become flesh. I don’t believe there would have been any roots / start of gnosticism at this time. I believe the focus here would be just on Jesus lineage fulfilling what was foretold by the prophets.

v4: Jesus fulfilled His promises. He just wasn’t a man claiming to be the messiah, but by His resurrection, and by the gift of the Holy Spirit, demonstrates He is who He says. The gentile background believers would not have had much of a concept of the prophets, but they would have understood they are sinners and fall short of the glory of God and their need for the messiah and Jesus’ substitutionary death on the cross for them. And all of our hope would be for nothing without the resurrection.

v5: we – This appears to be only Paul as apostle to the gentiles. Paul seems to be the only author listed in verse 1, even though his choice of words is we – plural here. Paul appears to be sole author of the letter, but certainly did have companions in ministry on all of the missionary journeys. Also, Paul was dictating this letter (probably to Luke?), so that might also explain the usage of we. Anyway – not something to spend too much time on.

Obedience of faith – curious term. Faith would be the only requisite for salvation from Paul’s teaching. But, Paul and all of the apostles taught first the gospel, and that you are justified by faith alone for your legal position before God. But, second, after your salvation, as one grows as a Christian (not affecting your standing before God) how one should live when they are living in dependent faith in Christ for their salvation and maturing as a believer. It is important to remember that both were taught – and the place for each. How we live doesn’t impact our salvation or standing before God, that is based solely upon faith and is a gift of God’s grace. But – we are a new creation as a believer, coming out of a new spiritual birth, and this should affect how we live and just as an infant grows, we should be looking to grow and mature after being born again. We should live in obedience to all that Jesus taught, and this teaching and focus on discipleship after salvation tends to be lacking in churches today. Believers should grow, and should be taught all that the apostle’s taught and was preserved for us in the epistles. This doesn’t minimize the importance of the Gospel as it is the foundation and the only way we are saved, and foundational. But – the journey of a believer does not end at the moment of salvation, and there is more as we grow and become mature Christians.

v6: I almost like the sense of invited here for called (G2822 kletos). I know they are both synonyms and I think would be interpreted very similarly by someone who read either – but I like the missionary sense of Paul’s work and God’s intentions that the whole world would hear about Jesus and realize their need for Him in their life. It is an open invitation or calling. I believe the you in this verse here would be a generic you and intended for everyone who hears this letter (it could be just the church in Rome – but v5 starts out at nations and comes in to just the Roman church in v7 – so I’m thinking you is still something larger than the Roman church?), and not just the Roman church. I want to include Thayer’s entire definition here:

G2822

???????

kle?tos

Thayer Definition:

1) called, invited (to a banquet)

1a) invited (by God in the proclamation of the Gospel) to obtain eternal salvation in the kingdom through Christ

1b) called to (the discharge of) some office

1b1) divinely selected and appointed

Part of Speech: adjective

I think the sense of 1b would be most accurate in v1, with Paul as the called apostle. I think here 1a would be most appropriate, although I think a strong case could also be made for definition 1b1 as most accurate for kletos here. I think the focus either way should also be who we are invited or called to – Jesus. We are already getting a mini-picture pointing us to Jesus that all of Paul’s writing does.

v7 – The focus seems to be down to the audience of the letter now – those called in Rome. I think the same discussion on called applied here as in v6. But again – I think the important aspect regardless of definition is the focus on God as the caller, and His action in Jesus coming, and his life, death, and resurrection as the justification by which God gave us access to this call.

Dearest Faith,

You are an absolute miracle and we love you dearly.   You are a wonderful gift from God (Psalm 127:3).  On this day of your dedication, we want to make you a couple promises.   The first is that we will always love you.    Jesus is love, and has taught your Mom and I what love is.  1 John 4:7 says:  “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”  We promise to abide in Jesus (John 15), abide in His grace so that we can protect our marriage, love each other, and raise you with this love (agape – this love only is possible from God).  The second is given in Deuteronomy 6:4-7.   Paraphrasing, it commands us to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and to teach you about God, by being examples to you and by teaching you the truth of God’s word.   The only way we can do this is by abiding in Jesus (1 John 4:13), and teaching you about Jesus and the mercy, grace, and love God has given us in His life, death, and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15).  We love you, and praise God that you are our daughter.

Love,

Dad and Mom

So this leads to my excitement at the opportunity to learn and focus on studying God’s word more purposefully in my quiet time with God. By God’s grace, I’ve been learning and growing in my Bible study up until now, and this has hopefully been bearing fruit in that I’ve been able to facilitate Bible studies and God has been glorified and people have learned more about Him through our study. But, I’ve felt crippled. I’ve been able to pass along key themes, to read commentaries and compile pretty detailed studies that have helped myself and certainly only through the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment the people I’ve been studying with to grow. This has been wonderful. I am so hopeful that God will help me to grow and mature more. Certainly these will be tools that I’ll always depend upon, but I think there is so much more as I learn and grow to be ever more dependent upon God directly, and I think this class only through the blessing of the Holy Spirit may help to facilitate some growth and maturity in the area of greater dependence on God only for revelation and understanding of the message He is delivering to me in the scripture I am studying, and certainly help me to see and overcome some of the biases and predispositions I bring towards the message God has for me.

So anyway, I feel like I am getting a little long winded, but wanted to close with a few things. First, is a quote/theme I want to try to live by in my Bible Study:

“The Bible is not what whatever we want it to be”

This goes to my predispositions, and to the postmodern culture we live in now where our culture tries to reject the notion of ultimate truth, given to us by God. I want so much to not miss the message God is communicating to us in scripture by my own predispositions or biases – by my trying to make the Bible say something to support my own idea vs humbly receiving the truth God has given us in scripture.

The second, is to just share the link to this 1st Kings sermon series. It can be listened to at: Foothills Bible Church: Listen to a Sermon The focus on God’s word and power of that focus is just so wonderful and encouraging and I know everyone who reads this would benefit from hearing this teaching.

Finally, please just pray for me. Pray for God to be glorified by my journey, and that I would be able to grow in my love and dependence upon God, and share the joy of God’s Word and the saving grace of Jesus Christ effectively with anyone God would bring my way.

In Christ,

Kevin

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Thank You that Your blood washes me from that sin, and I am clean;
gracious faith You give me, and I am whiter than snow.
In awe I submit with joy and gladness;
let the will surrendered rejoice.
Glorious your face sees no longer my sins,
and your blood redeems all my iniquities.
Your grace created within me a clean heart, O God,
and renewed a right spirit within me.
Boldly I may enter your presence,
the seal of your Holy Spirit within me.
Gracious to me the joy of your salvation,
and I am your bondservant with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from evil, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, for “it is finished”;
you hung on the cross, the ultimate offering.
The attitudes I give are a humble spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, obedient to your truth and grace alone.

We rejoice in your life;
raised up on the third day;
O death, where is your victory,
O death, where is your sting;
triumphant Savior, conqueror of death,
the Way, the Truth, the Life,
gracious and merciful, King of Kings.

I walked into the infusion center today (a lot like a dialysis center) and was checking in. A nurse tapped me on the shoulder when she heard my name and said “We’re sorry – there has been a problem with your insurance and we don’t think you are going to be able to be treated here. Could you please go wait in the waiting room?”. This was the cancer infusion center on the UCH campus. So I went and texted Lisa there may be a problem, and then started praying Proverbs 3:5-6.

Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Pro 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

It is one of my favorites and probably my crutch verse when I get stuck. They started calling everyone else in the waiting room back one by one. After about 30 minutes, the nurse who had tapped me on the shoulder came out to get coffee in the waiting room – “Oh! You are not back yet. They were supposed to come get you. Good news in that the insurance problem is solved and you can be treated today. I’ll go send someone right up for you.” Sure enough, 20 seconds went by and I was called back and given my chair for the day. I was given tylenol and benedryl to try to make sure I didn’t react to the cytogam. Praise God – I was so discouraged and in 30 seconds delivered and the path was so straight.

The first IV didn’t work. I always get them to try my right arm first, which usually works. A good vein was standing up, but it just didn’t want to accept the needle. So, she asked if she could use “ole faithful” in my left arm. I agreed – she could tell I was trying to protect it but it is the only really easy access on me. So, we got things running. She started the cytogam, at a really slow rate for the first half hour. I was getting a little hot, but I don’t think that was a reaction to the cytogam and when I leaned forward off of the vinyl chair cooled down. So, we upped the rate to 50 ml/hr for the 2nd half hour. Still, really no adverse reaction. So, we went to the maximum rate of 75 ml/hr for the rest of the time – 3 hours more. I slept and read “The Heavenly Man”, Brother Yun’s biography about the house church movement in China, and although a long time, it passed smoothly.

The drive home was a nightmare, but I am feeling a lot better today (even before the treatment) and my white blood count is starting to recover. So, hopefully this will all be behind me soon and I’ll be ready for the disc golf tournament on 8/9.

Kevin

I slept well. Faith had a pretty good night, and Lisa nursed her in another room when she did wake up. At breakfast, we actually ended up seeing a whitetail deer in the Larsen’s neighbors yard. This was the first time I have ever seen a deer in the city of Brush. They are common in the mountains, but rarely seen except by the South Platte out on the plains. We went over to the Ft Morgan optimist course at 7:45 and got ready. It was going to be 2 rounds on the optimist course for us (the amateurs) today. I had chosen a discraft comet as my free “players kit” frisbee. It was the only midrange option. I tried it out this morning to see if I could turn it over, as in the discraft ratings it was a 0 (very neutral) disc. Sure enough, it turned over (turned right with an anhyzer) very well. So with it, and my Buzzz, plus the old stingray, I had options for turnover shots without my good stingray at the bottom of the creek. We were there early. I had somehow thought we would start at 8:30 with a players meeting at 8:00, but was 30 minutes off. A little after nine, we got started. I was lucky enough to get paired with John and Heath, so had a pretty familiar and comfortable group. My Dad unfortunately then was in a group where he didn’t know anyone on the hole ahead of us. We were given hole number 3 as our starting point (a hole that requires a turnover shot). I believe I used my old stingray, let it rip, and started off with a fairly good shot. For this round, the wind was blowing out of the south, not too strong but probably 10-20 miles an hour where it did affect play. I started off very well and had good approach shots which gave me “gimme” type putts on the first few holes. On hole number 5, there was a camera filming us. I let go a drive with the buzz – being sure to keep the nose down. This was with the wind. The drive was fairly low, but hot and straight. It skipped off of the sidewalk, and landed within 3′ of the hole. So – for whomever was filming, I had a gimme birdie. Good timing and I hope I find it to see it. I finished the round well, with a 2,3,4 or 5 on every hole with a 70. I felt pretty good, but had had a few mental gaffes where I should have been lower. But, the next best score in my group was a 74 where I figured maybe I would make the top group for the next round. My mom brought over lunch to us, and we ate hoping to get started quickly, as the pending Ft Morgan afternoon severe weather was looming.

It ended up being a 2 hour lunch break (ugh). Finally, they announced the pairings. I ended up playing with John and Heath again, and we ended up picking up a couple from my Dad’s morning group. But, my 70 was 4 strokes better than anyone else – I was in the lead! The wind had picked up. We started on 15 this time. 15 is about a 290′ shot, wide open, fun driving hole. In the morning, the wind had taken my drive and I had ended up about 50′ left of where I was thinking I would end up. I learned my lesson this time, let it go, and ended up about 10′ short of the hole looking at a birdie. Heath fired, and ended up probably 30′ short and a little left. Everyone putted – Heath made a great putt for a 2. Everyone else missed, and then it was my turn. I put the putt in for a 2 Great start. We worked our way around the course. I started missing putts and approaches. My short game wasn’t doing very well, but I was having fun and playing fairly well, especially in the wind. I ended up having a couple of mental errors again and got a couple of 6’s this round. Rob was one of the people with a 74 and he actually was probably a couple of strokes up on me after the 6’s. He also had a 6 on the way in, and I played the water hole (normal #8, 7 for the tournament) and ended up with a 73 to his 70. He was one stroke back. Heath shot a 74, 72, so he was 3 strokes back. We got done just before a pretty severe thunderstorm (the pro’s on the “pessimist” course actually saw a funnel), and went back to the Larsen’s for a family barbecue. I had the overnight lead! The thunderstorm was very severe and windy, and we got a ton of rain right around bed time.

I slept well again. We woke up to a very damp morning. We got over to the “pessimist” course. The weather was very calm – perfect for disc golf (although I would have preferred wind because I seemed to handle it much better than anyone I was playing with). We started on 15 again, with the same 5’some as yesterday’s second round. Unfortunately I didn’t get paired with my Dad for the entire tournament. Final round, with the lead. I led off with a good drive. 15 is a fairly long hole. 2nd shot was good. This left a fairly short approach shot. I threw it – not great, about 20′ away. 1st putt of the day – a challenge. I let it go – clang – 6″ short off of the bottom of the basket. I lost 1 stroke to everyone as they made their putts. 16 – the evil hole. We all drove – everyone into the narrow tunnel. 2nd shot layup. 3rd, everyone went across the lake. We were all in fairly good position. Time for the approach -this time a little longer. I let mine go. It was about 2″ off the ground – hit a berm and stopped – mistake. Everyone else got fairly close – so I had lost a stroke. I threw my second approach – not very good, about 20″ again. The putt – clang, 6″ short again. I wasn’t learning. So, I lost 2 strokes to everyone here. I was out of the lead – and tied with Heath. 17 – much better this year. Everyone had fairly good drives. My approach I left at the evil distance again – not very good – 20″ putt. I putted – clang – 6″ short again. This was getting old. 18 was a uphill fairly short shot. I had a good drive. Now for the approach – I left it about 10″ this time. Now for the putt – this one should be easy. I was going to be sure to get it high enough. I let it go —– it didn’t hit anything. I had managed to grip it too tight and missed the basket right. Another stroke lost to everyone. Same story on #1. This was getting frustrating. On 2, I had a good drive off to the left a little bit of a berm. I was going to be aggressive – this is a long hole with a parking lot out of bounds right in front of the hole. Being so far left, I was able to fire a stingray turned over to avoid the parking lot. I let it fly – beautiful shot, but might have been too long with an OB road behind. I got there, and I was 2′ short of the road. Heath and Rob (the 2 closest at the start) were in similar positions. I was ready, so I putted. I hit this one! Heath and Rob missed their’s, so I made up a stroke. 3 we all played well and all got 3’s (I managed to approach close enough I couldn’t miss it finally). 4, I choked on the putt again (from 10′ or less – missed the basket). 5 Rob managed to go OB on his approach. I missed my putt again, but managed to pick up a stroke on him still, but lost another stroke to Heath here. This whole time, John (whom I though was far enough back not to be a factor) was putting together a very solid and consistent round. I should have figured with the strokes I had been losing to everyone he was fairly close by now – but didn’t consider that yet. 6 I hit a tree on the drive, but recovered fairly well and managed to gain a stroke back on Rob, but lose another one to Heath as he played it well. 7 was a double mando “field goal” hole. Heath had a good drive, but probably 30′ short. Rob hit a tree – the door was open. I figured he and Heath were really close right now. I let go a great drive – low and hot and just a little left of the goal – probably 15″. Rob recovered fairly well on his 2nd, but I should pick up a stroke on him again. Heath nailed his putt – he was playing great. Now was my putt – I should be able to match. I let it go – it hit the chains —- but a little on the left side and fell out. So, easy 3. I gained one on Rob. There was a pretty good backup on 8. We did a quick check on the scores. Rob and I were tied – Heath was 2 strokes up right now. It was still anyone’s match. 8 is a slight anhyzer and it follows a creek the whole may. This is the hole I had lost my stingray on in the practice round. Heath drove – safe but a tough approach shot. I was up 3rd. I let the buzzz go (for the slight anhyzer). It was a tiny bit high – but exactly as I was hoping. It was heading straight toward the thicket guarding the hole. Then – it hit a limb and dropped. But – it looked safe and in a little better position than Heath – although awfully close to the creek. Rob let it go – it looked for sure like it was in the creek. But, the spotter waved safe. We walked up. It turned out mine was in the creek . I played from the bad side of the creek. I hit another branck drooping down and ended up with a circle 6 – to Rob and Heath’s 3’s. Ugh. Needless to say, I thought the match was over. We played in. I played fairly well. On 11, I was 40′ out with a chance to gain a stroke on everyone. I let it fly out of a bush. My aim was straight – but, the disc flew 2″ right over the top of the goal and landed about 20′ past. Sure, enough, I missed the comeback putt and actually ended up losing another stroke to everyone. We played in and finished. I finished fairly well and Rob had a couple of not great holes. But, I thought he had beaten me. Heath finished well and so did John. I thought Heath the clear winner as we started adding things up. He was nervous – he though John had caught him. This surprised me. I knew John had played well, but he was 7 strokes back at the start of the day. The scores – Heath 68, John 69, Kevin and Rob 76’s. So, I beat Rob by one. I must be in 2nd. Heath finished with a 214. But, to my surprise, John and I were tied. John had come back very well with that great round and tied my for 2nd, and Rob was then 4th. I give both John and Heath hearty congratulations for their great finishing rounds. It was a bitter pill to lose with all of those missed putts, but I was glad to be beat by a great round.

l-r: Heath Becker (1st), Wayne Carlson (6th), Kevin Carlson(t-2nd), Basil (Ft Morgan Rec Dept), Miguel (8th?), John McDonald (t-2nd)

It was a very fun and a great weekend. I had a lot of fun. I thank everyone I played with, they were great, and it was fun. I just need to figure out how to putt reliably under pressure for the next time now. I learned a lot, and had fun.

I watched part of the final 9 and saw the pro’s throw. That was cool, and very impressive. I know what I long ways I have to go and learn.

PDGA Touring Pro Avery Jenkins

Lisa, Faith, and I made it home uneventfully through some rain.

It was pretty incredible the difference the kidney transplant made compared to last year. My endurance was just so much higher. After 36 holes last year, I was exhausted. This year, I had more in me if I needed it. Sunday I was a little tired (might have been part of the problem with putting), but I felt very good and limbered up really well and would have had 36 or more holes in me if required.

Kevin

Monday night, at about 12:40 AM, Lisa woke up.   Her water had broken.   She woke me up, told me the news.   She still hadn’t really started any contractions.   She called her doctor, and they asked us to come in to the hospital.    If everything went well – we were going to meet our daughter today.   I had been warned by a couple of friends to make sure I take a shower before going to the hospital – this might be your last chance in a few days.    So, I ran in and quickly took a shower.   Lisa started getting our pre-packed bag out to the car, fed Sally (she’s really good at remembering all of the practical details like that), and she started having contractions.    They were following the 5-1-1 rule – 5 minutes apart and one minute in duration.   Now we knew that it was time.

We loaded up and headed for the hospital.   I drove very carefully – close to the speed limit but a little faster.   Lisa was telling me things were moving pretty quickly, and no stops allowed.   I dropped her off at the entrance to the emergency room, and then went and parked in the parking garage.   I got all of the bags, and went in and caught up with Lisa.   She was getting admitted.   They were just about to print our bracelets, when the computer system went down.   2:00 AM sharp – and there was a scheduled maintenance period starting.   Luckily, we were admitted just before this happened and were able to get escorted up to the labor and delivery floor.   Lisa got changed into a gown, and they hooked up the fetal monitors.   Everything was looking good.    The contractions were still a minute long, and about 5 minutes apart.   She was also 4 cm dilated.   Things were looked good and proceeding normally.   She also wasn’t in a lot of pain.

The contractions continued to get closer and closer.   We were timing, and they were starting to come about a minute apart, and a minute long.   The nurse came in and checked, and Lisa was about 6.5 cm dilated.   Things were progressing, and although Lisa was feeling a good amount of pain, it was still manageable.  It was about 3:30 AM.    The contractions were continuing and starting to get more intense, and staying about the same interval.   Lisa looked at me, with kind of a sick look on her face, and said, I don’t think I am going to be able to handle the pain much longer.   We called in the nurse and told her we were going to need some help with pain management.    She offered Lisa either narcotics or an epidural.    She chose the epidural, and they put in the call for the anethesiologist.   The time between the decision and the anethesiologist arriving was just excruciating.   Lisa was almost non-functional she was in so much pain.   The contractions were coming almost non-stop, with no rest in between.   Lisa is one of the strongest and has one of the highest pain tolerances of anyone I know, so I can’t imagine what she was going through.    Finally, the anesthesiologist arrived and they were able to get the epidural started.   After about 10 minutes, the contractions were getting into the realm of manageability where Lisa could at least sit still and wasn’t in agony, and then after about another 10 minutes, she was almost back to normal and you could have a conversation with her.

Now was the lull.   We were waiting for her to dilate to the full 10 cm to begin pushing, but with the pain under control it gave us a good hour or 2 to rest.   Everything was going smoothly.

At about 8:15, the nurse came in, checked Lisa, and she was fully dilated.  Now was the time to begin pushing!   We started 3 times every contraction, for 10 seconds each.    Faith just wasn’t really moving, and Lisa wasn’t feeling much.   Lisa asked if they could turn down the epidural so she could feel more and be more effective pushing.   So, they summoned the anethesiologist again, and he slowed the rate of the fentanyl to the epidural.     We waited 20 minutes, and Lisa started pushing again.   Faith was moving a little bit this time, and things seemed to be proceeding.   Lisa’s contractions were also very long, so there was time for 4 10 second pushes each contraction and that seemed more comfortable to Lisa.   So, we tried this.   Faith seemed to be coming down a little bit each time -or at least me thought.   So, we kept up this routine for almost 2 hours.   At the end, we could start to tell that something just wasn’t working.   I kept expecting to be able to see her head crowning.   Towards the end, we were starting to see some stress on Faith.   Her heart rate was faster, and the crash during the pushing seemed to be getting lower.   This was getting to be really tough on her.   They summoned the doctor.   She came in, Lisa tried one more set of pushing, and the doctor saw that Faith just really wasn’t descending.    We were given the option of either trying a vacuum or having a C-section at this time.

Lisa and I had taken the birthing class, so we had some familiarity with both of these techniques.   We were both really naively hoping that we weren’t going to be faced with this decision, and hadn’t really made up our mind in advance about what we would do if faced with these.   I didn’t know what to do.   Lisa wanted to try the vacuum first, so we said let’s go ahead and give it a try.    They got it out, and we tried pushing for a few more contractions with the assistance of the vacuum.   Faith just wasn’t coming, and was really starting to show signs of stress.   So, the decision was made that the last resort left to us was a C-section.   I called both of our parent’s.   Larry and Ellen were already at our house watching Sally and just waiting there.   So, I asked them to hurry over.   When the last option was the C-section, Lisa waved me over and asked me to promise no matter what happened, that I would stay with Faith.   She wanted to be sure that she would be watched over.   It was heartbreaking for Lisa, as I know her greatest desire with this birth was to hold Faith right away and start feeding and bonding with her.   That now wasn’t an option.   I didn’t want Lisa to be alone after such a traumatic experience as the surgery – especially if Faith wasn’t completely healthy.   So, I was hoping Ellen would be able to go back and be with Lisa in recovery while I was in the nursery with Faith.  I then called my parents who were on the way up to inform them what was going on and to make sure they would be close by.   Then, I had to hurriedly pack up our things, change into scrubs, and be by Lisa’s side during the surgery.

While all this was happening, I didn’t hear that Faith was under a great deal of stress and now they were starting to worry if she was going to survive until the surgery.    This was now an emergency C-section to try to save Faith.    They wheeled Lisa over to the operating room.   To our relief, Faith started to recover and look stronger on the way over.   They were still worried, but the prognosis was looking to more likely be positive.   I found my way to the operating room, and was asked to come in.

This should have told me something as to the urgency, but when they were sterilizing Lisa’s belly with the iodine, the doctor was asking that instead of the normal air drying process, that it was highly desirable that we blot it dry and start the surgery.

Lisa and I were just in terror right now.   Lisa’s sister Lori and husband Jon had had some horrible complications with their child Liam a couple of years before, and ultimately had to have an emergency C-section and Liam eventually died as a result of the complications.   Our situation was just seeming too similar.   The anesthesiologist comforted us, and told us that C-sections go fairly quickly, and we would be with our baby very soon.

After a few minutes (seemed like an eternity), they told me that I could stand up and they were just getting ready to extract Faith.   I stood up and saw the doctor pulling Faith from Lisa’s belly.   I held my breath – she was just a little gray and not making any noise.    It just seemed like forever.   Is she ok?

Finally, we heard a cry.   Faith was alive.    They cut the chord and took her over to the warming table and started toweling her off.   She had a little vermix, and a lot of purple and red slime to wipe off.   They also tooka lot of the amniotic fluid out from inside her mouth.   But, she was alive, and she was doing well so far.  Once she got toweled off some, they wrapped her and let me take her over to Lisa.    We took a couple of quick pictures.    We were both just overjoyed with relief.   We were parents and our daughter was alive.

We got a few minutes together as they were starting to remove the placenta from Lisa and stitch her back up. Then, it was time for Faith to go to the nursery and start her examination and get her first bath. So, I pushed her down to the nursery. The nurse started and gave her a vitamin K shot, and she pricked her foot to measure her blood sugar. Everything so far was looking good. Next up was the temperature – it came back as 99 degrees.

Next up was the bath. We went over to the sink where a towel was waiting. Faith didn’t enjoy the cold rag, but she was very happy when there was warm water run on her.

Next up I got to hold her. Finally, a second blood sugar reading, and then I was able to take her to the recovery room and be reunited with Lisa. On the way up to the recovery room, I ran into Lisa’s parents in the waiting room. No one would take Ellen back to be with Lisa. I let them see their granddaughter, and then we went looking for the recovery room. We eventually found a very nice person who showed us the way, and we all got to see Lisa briefly. I got Faith out of the rolling cradle, and gave her to Lisa. Lisa was able to hold her, and try the first feeding. It was just delayed probably 45 minutes from the original, optimal plan. I was also able to get my parent’s called and let them know the details and ask them to abandon Sally and come over the hospital to be with us all.

Larry, Ellen, and I went down to the room we were going to be staying in, and moved all of our stuff in. By that time, they were ready to let Lisa back down to our room, so I went back up to recovery. They wheeled Lisa in, and I wheeled Faith down. Faith got a second round of tests in the nursery (another shot and 3rd blood sugar I believe). Everything was still looking good. I saw Mom and Dad arrive, and was able to bring Faith over to the window so they could see her. Finally, the testing was over and I was able to take Faith in to be introduced to everyone.

It was a harrowing experience, but we are blessed with a beautiful daughter. Faith Randall Carlson was born at 12:03 PM on 4/28/2009. She weighed 8 lbs, 11 oz, and was 20.5″ long. She is named in honor of my brother Randy, who was my kidney donor in December. She is an incredible blessing, and we are looking forward to the new normal of having a daughter in our house. She is already showing signs of being as stubborn and active as her mom and dad.

Hi, my name is Kevin.  I’m here tonight to share a story of hope with you.  I’ve been asked to share the testimony of how Jesus Christ has saved my life.  My kidneys stopped working a year ago from a disease called glomerulonephritis.   I’ve known I have had this disease for the past 20 years. I don’t know exactly how I got it, other than it came from an infection when I was a child.  The most likely source of the infection was falling off of a go-kart as a little kid.  I was riding with a friend, and he took a corner too fast and I went flying off of the side and slid across the pavement.  This tore the skin off of much of my leg.  My Mom did her best to clean up my leg, but I was eager to get out and play with my friends and squirming and we missed something and it became infected.  The only real consequence at the time I thought is that I had to miss swimming lessons because of the infection.

About 5 years later, at my physical examination for high school football, I gave a urine sample.  They found that the urine sample had too much protein in it, a sign of a kidney problem.  The doctor ordered a kidney biopsy, and the diagnosis was glomerulonephritis with a prognosis of my kidneys likely failing completely within 10 years or so.  This was a shock, but I figured I would beat the odds, and somehow get the kidneys to last the rest of my life.   I was in denial, and I was very self reliant at this time of my life.   I just didn’t realize how much I needed God for dealing with this problem.

I believe disease and suffering are consequences out of the fall, the decision of Adam and Eve to disobey God.    As a result of disobeying God, evil entered into the world.  They are a consequence out of our rebellion.  I do believe that God uses disease and suffering for our good.   Just like a parent sometimes needs to let a child make a wrong decision and fail, so that they can ultimately learn a lesson that builds their character, the same happens out of suffering.  In hindsight, I wouldn’t trade my kidney disease for anything in the world because it has drawn me so much closer to God, and He has carried me through it and shown me His power and love through the experience.  I hope you’ll be able to see what I mean through this testimony.

Paul tells us in Romans:

Rom 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Jesus is a personal Savior to me.  Jesus came into this fallen world and suffered, to the point of death on a cross.  He knows what we have gone through.   But, Jesus is perfect, and without sin.  He entered into our fallen world to redeem it from sin.  We have all fallen to temptation, and given in from sin. Jesus never did. The Apostle Paul teaches us in Romans 3:23:

Rom 3:23: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

We know that when Adam and Eve sinned originally, and suffering entered into the world, as did death.  God has declared death as the penalty for sin.   Because we are all sinners, all of us are deserving of this death penalty.   Paul tells us more about this in Romans 6:23:

Rom 6:23a: For the wages of sin is death

I too am a sinner.   I deserve death for my sin.  God is just and has justly set the penalty for sin as death. In retrospect, the kidney disease should have really woken me up to this reality of my mortality.   But it didn’t.  The only immediate impact back then is that the Doctor wouldn’t allow me to continue to play football.  He thought it was just too risky for someone with damaged kidneys.  So, I reluctantly complied and moved on.   I finished high school and started college.  I went to college in Rochester, NY.  I made some great friends in college. We had the philosophy of work hard, play hard – and boy did we play hard.  We would have a party every weekend and the alcohol flowed freely.  I was in full rebellion and not looking to God, and had the philosophy that alcohol was a way to escape and have fun.  I was turning to anything but God and looking for happiness in all of the wrong places. I am the luckiest guy in the world that God is so patient and got me through this time.  Even with this period of rebellion and dependence on anything but God in my life, God had a plan of hope, and a plan of love planned out for me even before I existed.  The Apostle Paul tells us about this also in Romans:

Rom 5:6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.

Rom 5:7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person–though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die–

Rom 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God has always planned for Jesus to come into the world, to live as a man, but to live a perfect life without sin.   Jesus laid down His life for us, to be a substitute for us and to pay the death penalty for our sin.  Only through Jesus’ shed blood on the cross, is God’s wrath for our sin satisfied and the death penalty paid.  God loves all of us so much, that Jesus came and died for us.  He was the substitute in our place for our just death penalty so that God’s wrath against our sin is satisfied.  But – this isn’t then end of the story.

I graduated from college and moved to Denver.  I started working at Lockheed Martin.  My kidneys were still working.  I was still pretty rebellious.  I knew the reality that Jesus had died on the cross for me, but this hadn’t really impacted the way I live my life.  I knew of God’s great love and sacrifice, and I was incredibly grateful.  But, I still thought of myself as the center of the universe and I wasn’t looking enough to God for how to live my life.  God was still so patient with me.  I think that is an important concept.  Just because I believed and had faith in Jesus sacrificing Himself on the cross to pay the penalty for my sin (and Jesus’ resurrection and conquering of death), didn’t mean that I was a completed work.  I still struggled with sin in my daily life, and was looking to my own way and not depending on God.  I was saved from my sin by my faith in Jesus’ paschal sacrifice and resurrection, but still had a lot of growing to do (and I still do, God continues to help me to grow – by no means am I a completed work yet). But, that is one area I have great faith.  The Apostle Paul promises us in Philippians:

Php 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

As my health began to deteriorate, I began to realize that I had a pretty serious problem and I couldn’t handle it all by myself.  Just as I had relied upon God to solve my problem with sin, I realized that this health situation was too big for me to solve.  This humbled me, and I realized that I wasn’t the center of the universe.  I was starting to learn to trust God and to grow a little bit.

I began going to church on a regular basis.  I knew that I didn’t have the solution to the problem and I needed God.  My friend Scott was instrumental in this.  I had been talking to him about God and he ended up inviting me to church with him and his family.  This helped me so much.  I became part of a body of believers.  I had people to help me to grow, to study God’s word with, to reflect God’s love to me.  I hope if you are in a situation like I was, where I was very self reliant and just trying to work things out on my own, that you’ll listen and take my advice instead of having to figure this out yourself the hard way.  I know I probably wouldn’t have listened to someone at that time, but by God’s love and grace eventually He broke through my hard headedness and drew me closer to Him.  God has so much more planned for you than you can figure out on your own and a significant part of these blessings come from being part of a body of believers.  The relationships and accountability, as well God’s love, mercy, and grace experienced with other Christians is just invaluable to your spiritual growth.  So, in 2002, I started going to Belleview Community Church.  Soon after that, I joined a Bible study and we started on the most incredible journey. We started in Acts, and began following Paul on his missionary journeys.  Each time we came to a place where he wrote an epistle, we went off and studied this epistle.  This study has just helped with so much growth in my life.  It is just a special small group of people, and just being in God’s word in that setting has been an amazing blessing.  This type of experience I believe is one thing Jesus intended for us when he created the church.

One of the greatest blessings in my life, that I believe is truly a gift from God, is my wife Lisa.  God brought her into my life, and brought us together at the perfect timing.  I’m never alone.  Jesus promises to always be with me and I have surrendered my life to Him and try to lean on Him for everything in my life.  But some of the things I have had to face with my kidney disease I also needed a partner for – simple, unromantic things like rides to dialysis, taking care of me when I am sick, just simple caregiver things like that.  I’m not sure how I would have made it through the past year without her.  But, she is so much more.  God brings 2 people together and makes them one in marriage.  Lisa and I have learned so much about love, and depended on God’s love and grace together.  I believe marriage is a way that God reflects His love into our lives and helps us to learn about what He intends relationship to be, a small part of that perfect fellowship that exists within the Godhead, within the Trinity – and Lisa is just about the ideal person for me where I truly believe it was God’s work bringing us together, and just one more blessing He has perpetrated at just the right time when I was ready and needed it the most.  Anyway, we have been through a lot together and I love her dearly, and I just thank God for bringing her into my life at the perfect time.

Paul tells in 2^nd Corinthians:

2Co 4:15 For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

2Co 4:16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

2Co 4:17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,

2Co 4:18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Paul is talking about hope.  He is talking about an eternal perspective.  Our bodies here are wasting away. They are subject to the fall.  They are subject to entropy.  We are mortal and our flesh is only temporary. God has a plan for that, that He accomplished through the cross and resurrection, redeeming us to Him and providing eternal life.  Jesus died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins.  But that is not the end of the story.  After the cross, Jesus was buried in a tomb.  There He stayed for 3 days.  On the morning of the third day, Jesus conquered death and rose again, to eternal life.  Paul tells us in Romans:

Rom 6:9 We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.

Rom 6:10 For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God.

Rom 6:11 So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Jesus has conquered death. Paul also tells us in Romans:

Rom 6:23b but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Because Jesus has paid the death penalty for our sins, and has conquered death and lives forever, we have hope in this free gift from God and hope for eternal life, and for the redemption of creation where there is no more suffering.  This is what I mean by keeping an eternal perspective now when we are going through suffering, keeping our thoughts on this victory over death and suffering.  Suffering is only temporary.

This was my hope as I entered into dialysis. On 3/17/2008, I went into the hospital to have a permacatheter placed and to start dialysis.  This was a tough day in my life where I really needed God’s strength and peace, and to keep an eternal perspective.  A permacatheter is a port that gets placed into your jugular vein, and threaded down close to you heart in your chest.  It allows hooking you up to the dialysis machine.  This first time getting a permacatheter placed was one of the worst experiences of my life.  Before going into the radiology lab for the procedure, they asked me if I wanted something to take the edge off.  They said about half the people that get this done get something, about half don’t.  I don’t want any drugs I don’t absolutely require medically and like to be alert in situations like this, so I told them that I would be ok without anything.  So, I got wheeled into the lab, and they numbed up my neck with lidocaine.  They then used a machine to puncture my jugular.  This wasn’t bad and I didn’t feel it.  But, the next part was awful.  The part where they had to thread the catheter ends down into the jugular.  Lidocaine numbs the top area so you don’t feel cutting, but you can still feel pressure.  So, shoving the foot or so of tubing down into my chest was just an incredible amount of pressure and uncomfortableness.  It was just awful.  I didn’t know what to do, so I just began to pray.  God was so merciful, and drew me so close to Him.  Even though I still felt the pressure of the tube being pushed in, just an incredible sense of peace came over me and I knew I was going to get through this and it was going to be over soon.  I am just so thankful for this love, mercy, and grace of God holding me so close and tenderly at this time.  It soon was over, and I was wheeled up to my room to be reunited with Lisa and my family.  The first dialysis went smoothly that day.  Eventually, everyone left and I was alone for the first night.  I wasn’t feeling great after dialysis as my body wasn’t used to the new, cleaner chemistry in my blood, and the shock of the day and everything hit me.  I hit a low point, where I was really feeling sorry for myself.  Again, I just didn’t know what else to do, so I prayed again.  Again, God just showed such mercy and grace and such an incredible sense of peace came to me, and God really reinforced to me that this was temporary, and to remember to keep the eternal perspective and that He has conquered this and I would be liberated.  I knew everything was going to be fine then.

I was on dialysis for almost a year.  There were some challenges with infections that brought me back to the hospital and again brought me to situations where I just had to trust and throw all of my problems to God to get me through.  He was always so faithful, and always brought me back to His victory on the cross and the peace I could count on when I trusted in Him to carry me through this.  Throughout this process, I always had the goal of getting a kidney transplant.  My brother Randy had agreed to be tested, and ended up being a compatible donor.   I was blessed that both of my brothers were willing to be tested, and that a lot of the details worked out so miraculously well.

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.”

We trusted in God and thank him for making this process so smooth.  My brother David did a lot of the research to get both him and Randy through the Air Force bureaucracy.  I am so grateful to Randy for being my donor.  In December, we were scheduled for surgery.  I was a little scared of the surgery, but was finally able to just trust in God, rely upon the cross and Jesus’ victory there, and knew no matter what the outcome of the surgery was, I was going to be carried and taken care of by God and my eternal destiny was secure and to just trust and rest in God’s plan for me.  Randy also knows Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and that ultimately gave me a great sense of peace in his taking the risk of the surgery for me, and taking the risk of living his life with one kidney.  So, again, I just lifted up the situation to God in prayer, asked that if it were possible, all of the paths with surgery for both us could be straight, but had faith that ultimately no matter what happened that God would be glorified, and just trusted the results to His will.  All I can say is that Randy and I both came through the surgery miraculously well, and Randy’s kidney started filtering my blood immediately and is working well to this day.  I was out of pain in a day, and Randy and I were both released from the hospital the third day after the surgery day.  God has just brought so much healing, and made the paths so straight with this transplant that I am just in awe and just so incredibly thankful.  I now am able to live a completely normal life again and feel so blessed that God has delivered me through this trial so remarkably.

I have so much hope for the future because of God, because of the cross and resurrection, and because I know and have seen how magnificently God has taken care of me already.  Lisa and I are looking forward to the birth of our daughter at the end of April.  We can’t wait for all that God has planned for us as parents.  I know that I am still part of a fallen world, and I still have some suffering and disappointments left in my life, but I know that I can trust in God, and I know that God will carry me, and have hope and faith in Him for everything.   I have hope, and have seen God work wonders in my life.

Jesus tells us in His final night with the disciples before his arrest and crucifixion that we should expect persecution and suffering.  If the world persecuted and brought suffering to Him, surely as His followers we should expect the same:

Joh 15:18 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

We know that our time here on earth won’t always be easy.  But, I want to assure you, and I hope you can see God’s power at work in my testimony – in all that God has done for me – that we should have hope.  We know that God has conquered suffering, has redeemed the world from the fall.  Through faith in Christ – his life, death, and resurrection – through trusting God for our eternal fate, we have hope.  Jesus closes His teaching to the disciples, before praying right before His arrest and crucifixion, with this promise:

Joh 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

TAKE HEART; JESUS HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD!

Do you share in this hope with me?  Do you know Jesus?  Jesus loves us. God desires that everyone would be saved.  Paul tells us in his letter to Timothy:

1Ti 2:5 For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,

1Ti 2:6 who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time.

Paul tells us in Romans 10:

Rom 10:9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Rom 10:10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

Rom 10:11 For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

Rom 10:13 For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

God wants everyone to be saved, but not everyone will place their faith in Jesus, His sacrifice on the cross to redeem us from our sins, and His resurrection.  I am going to pray now, and if you’ve never done so before, and would like to trust Jesus for the redemption of your sins, and to share in this eternal hope with me, please pray this along with me:

Heavenly Father,

I am a sinner.  I have tried to do things my own way and haven’t always trusted in You.  I need You in my life.  I want to share in the eternal hope You have provided for us.  I believe that Jesus came to the earth, lived a perfect life, died on the cross for my sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that He was buried, and that in accordance with the Scriptures, was raised on the third day.  I confess that I believe in You, and that I want to turn my life over to You.  I can no longer do things on my own, but trust in You to guide me.  May I share in Your amazing grace, mercy, love, and peace.

Amen

If you prayed that for the first time, congratulations.  God has wonderful things in store for you, and I hope you can feel His peace and hope already with me.  Please tell someone about your decision, and remember that many of God’s blessings come through relationships with other believers, and finding a good, Bible based local church will really help you to grow and be held accountable in your faith.  Thank you for this opportunity to share God’s amazing love and grace in my life with you.

Thanks,

Kevin